Sunday, November 15, 2009

Oatmeal Surprise Cookies and a Heaven Bound Birthday Wish

Nine years ago today my son Matthew was born. While laying in labor I could hear the heart monitors thumping from the surrounding labor & delivery rooms, but my babies heart monitor wasn't turned on... we found out 5 days before he was already gone. After 12 hours of labor my son was born a tiny sleeping doll, thin and ruddy in my doctors hands. Young and stupid I didn't bring a camera. I didn't know those few moments would be my only. I was rushed into surgery to remove the placenta not knowing because of a terrible hospital policy only in favor for a few years (1999-2001) I would not be given the option to bury my son. He wasn't 26 weeks gestation and weighed less than the 1 1/2 pound requirement. Babies are born today not meeting those requirements and live. I saw his tiny perfect body with 10 fingers and 10 toes laying with his knees drawn to his chest. There was no mistaking he was a human and it still breaks my heart into a million pieces knowing he was treated like hospital trash. If I would have known I wouldn't be given the burial option I wouldn't have left without a fight. I assumed he was taken to the funeral home. Later when I called the hospital I was told I signed papers stating I understood the hospital policy, but it sure is funny they could never find the papers I signed.


Today I will celebrate. I will remember how wonderful I felt while he was alive and growing. I will know the tears and pain have only made me stronger. I will look into the faces of my children and see him living within them. I will look at a 9 year old boy and not cry because of what I'm missing and be thankful for what I've been blessed with. Today I will cry... miss... want... love... find peace.


These cookies are to celebrate life, however short or long. They're a contest winning recipe from Simple & Delicious and a real winner at our house. The warm spices give them great fall flavor. I also love the smiley face on the front cookie. Look on the left side toward the bottom and you can see eyes, nose and a huge smile :)


OATMEAL SURPRISE COOKIES
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
2-3/4 cups quick-cooking oats
1-1/2 cups chocolate-covered raisins


In a large bowl, cream butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs. Combine the flour, baking soda and pumpkin pie spice; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well. Stir in oats and raisins. Drop by tablespoonfuls 2 in. apart onto greased baking sheets.
Flatten slightly. Bake at 350° for 13-15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 5 minutes before removing to wire racks. Store in an airtight container.

25 comments:

Julie said...

What a sad story, Heidi. I'm so sorry you and your son were treated that way. Sending a birthday wish heaven-ward too.

Queenie Jeannie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Heidi. What a TERRIBLE, CRIMINAL thing to have happen to you!!! That's just beyond awful.

God bless you and your family!

jeanne @ Inspiring Ideas said...

Oh Heidi. What a terrible experience to go through. I do see the eyes and big smile - think of your son in heaven and that's what he's doing. Smiling and saying "Mom, I'm ok. It's beautiful here!"

Big hug!

Jenna said...

My heart really goes out to you. Your attitude towards hope and optimism is amazing! I'm sure Matthew is looking down on you with pride right now--he sure has a special Mommy!

(And the cookies look wonderful!)

mommyofgirls said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers today, Heidi. I know things don't always work out the way we want them to, but God always has a plan. You're right about seeing Matthew in your other kiddos:) I think he shines down on all of you! (I totally see the smiley face!)

Tracey said...

So sorry for your pain and loss! Will be thinking of you and your son Matthew today ((((HUGS))))

Lindsay Rudolph said...

Hey! Looks like you have some great cookie recipes! I get in such a baking mood over the holidays...might have to try a recipe ot two!
Thanks for stoppin' by!

kys said...

I am so sorry for your loss and the way you were treated at the hospital. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way today.

Raoulysgirl said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers today!

Denise said...

Heidi, how brave of you to share that story with all of us. It should make us all appreciate hao fragile the lives of our children are and maybe make me stop yelling at them all the time and just hug them. xoxoxoxo

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Oh, Heidi. I don't know what to say. I am so sorry. Big hugs for you today:) Happy Birthday Matthew.

teresa said...

what a thing to go through, and bless your heart for your strength and love. thoughts and prayers!

Marisa said...

Thank you for sharing your story, Heidi! What a terrible loss! I totally got choked up reading about your heartbreak--what a totally crappy policy. I can't wait to try these cookies--thanks for sharing!!!

Tiffanee said...

What a heartfelt story. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry you had to go through all that. Isn't it convenient that they lost the papers. Thanks for sharing such an incredible attitude and outlook. It means alot. Take care.

Ingrid said...

I know it isn't enough but I'm sorry for your loss.
~ingrid

Sook said...

Heidi,

Your story breaks my heart to no end. My son's name is also Matthew and when I read your son's name was Matthew as well, I just couldn't help thinking "What would I have done if that happened to my son?" It is very unfortunate that your baby was treated so inhumanely. That is an awful policy that you weren't given an option to bury your own son. I am so sorry.

But I am so glad that you have your other adorable children that keep you busy and happy. My mother-in-law also lost her dear son when he was only 2 and whenever I hear her story, my heart just sinks. But knowing that these angels are happy somewhere makes me feel grateful.

Keep your faith. You'll be blessed.

P.S. Also your cookies look so delicious!! :)

Coleen's Recipes said...

Happy Birthday Matthew in Heaven. I admire your courage to see him through your children. You are such a brave woman.

Lara said...

It's heartbreaking to think that they didn't even give you the option of burying your own child. What a pillar of faith and courage you are to your family and to all of us. Take care!

the ungourmet said...

I noticed the smile on the cookie the moment I clicked over here!

Life truly is bittersweet.

I like the chocolate covered raisins in these!

Katy ~ said...

My God, Heidi, my heart is aching for you. Your treatment was immoral. I cannot begin to express my outrage.And your sweet baby; yes, he is in Heaven. Bless his sweet little soul.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Oh sweetie what a sad and tragic story and so moving and hopefully helpful for others to know their rights.

A beautiful way to honor and celebrate his beautiful life that was cut short.

Stephanie said...

Aww, Heidi! That could've been me if only a few years sooner! Our Joshua was just 26 weeks and weighed 1 lb, 10 oz. What an awful policy... I'm glad it's changed now...

I didn't have my camera either, but my nurses took 2 pictures of him. I cherish those poor quality polaroids!

I'm so sorry you weren't able to bury your little Matthew and so sorry you had to endure losing him.

As for your cookies, they sound fabulous! I love raisins in my oatmeal cookies...but chocolate covered?! YUMM! I'll have to try that next time!

Krista said...

I sit here with tears in my eyes after reading this post. I lost two babies myself. I saw both of their little heartbeats and then one day, they just weren't there anymore. My heart goes out to you. I am so glad that you are celebrating the happy memories from that time today and dealing with the bitter as well.

The cookies look yummy. I would have never thought to use chocolate covered raisins.

Mary said...

That's the craziest thing I've ever heard of!! My heart breaks for you Heidi, for your loss and also for having to go through that insensitive stupidity. I am so sorry.

Stacy said...

Thank you for sharing that story....I'm sure it was hard. I can't even begin to imagine what you've gone through. I just recently had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. Happy Birthday to Matthew in Heaven! God bless you, Heidi!