Oatmeal Surprise Cookies and a Heaven Bound Birthday Wish

Nine years ago today my son Matthew was born. While laying in labor I could hear the heart monitors thumping from the surrounding labor & delivery rooms, but my babies heart monitor wasn't turned on... we found out 5 days before he was already gone. After 12 hours of labor my son was born a tiny sleeping doll, thin and ruddy in my doctors hands. Young and stupid I didn't bring a camera. I didn't know those few moments would be my only. I was rushed into surgery to remove the placenta not knowing because of a terrible hospital policy only in favor for a few years (1999-2001) I would not be given the option to bury my son. He wasn't 26 weeks gestation and weighed less than the 1 1/2 pound requirement. Babies are born today not meeting those requirements and live. I saw his tiny perfect body with 10 fingers and 10 toes laying with his knees drawn to his chest. There was no mistaking he was a human and it still breaks my heart into a million pieces knowing he was treated like hospital trash. If I would have known I wouldn't be given the burial option I wouldn't have left without a fight. I assumed he was taken to the funeral home. Later when I called the hospital I was told I signed papers stating I understood the hospital policy, but it sure is funny they could never find the papers I signed.

Today I will celebrate. I will remember how wonderful I felt while he was alive and growing. I will know the tears and pain have only made me stronger. I will look into the faces of my children and see him living within them. I will look at a 9 year old boy and not cry because of what I'm missing and be thankful for what I've been blessed with. Today I will cry... miss... want... love... find peace.

These cookies are to celebrate life, however short or long. They're a contest winning recipe from Simple & Delicious and a real winner at our house. The warm spices give them great fall flavor. I also love the smiley face on the front cookie. Look on the left side toward the bottom and you can see eyes, nose and a huge smile :)

OATMEAL SURPRISE COOKIES

1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
2-3/4 cups quick-cooking oats
1-1/2 cups chocolate-covered raisins

In a large bowl, cream butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs. Combine the flour, baking soda and pumpkin pie spice; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well. Stir in oats and raisins. Drop by tablespoonfuls 2 in. apart onto greased baking sheets.
Flatten slightly. Bake at 350° for 13-15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 5 minutes before removing to wire racks. Store in an airtight container.